Well, I am to the point where I am honestly embarrassed to even tell ya'll that Sawyer is sick once again. I am sure I sound like a broken record and the truth is I haven't even blogged about half of his illnesses these past 6 months.

 I was in denial about it yesterday until about 5:00 when his fever spiked to a terrible 104 degrees and the little dude was absolutely miserable. Here's the thing, I just got this child off steroids so this week was the first time I felt like I could breath again and the first time in a long time I felt like I had my True Sawyer back. He was so happy all week, so good and we had the most special week together, until yesterday when I noticed he was extra cuddly and super tired. So there we were once again, up most of the night with a miserably sick baby.  I knew all the signs for a sore throat and sure enough once again he has the ulcer virus where he has ulcers all down his throat and in his mouth. So here we go .... Another painful 5-6 days with my poor baby.

I have been so down today because I feel so helpless and all of this is obviously so out of my control. But... I keep feeling guilty and I keep feeling so sad for him. I guess I am just so confused by it all. I keep him out of daycare, clean the carts when we are out, he is barely ever in church nursery b/c he's always sick, we literally are at home all of the time.. why does he get sick so much?! I asked the doctor what to do and if there was a reason to why he is catching everything and sometimes catching things multiple times. He told me basically that Sawyer's body just can't catch up to being healthy. He has been on so much medicine that makes his immune system deficient, it's like his little body just can't keep up. I hear all of these things and people reassure me that there's nothing more I can do, but I still feel bad and feel guilty. I want to protect this little guy from all of this but I am learning more and more that it's just out of my control. Believe me I know that kids and babies get sick, I've heard it over and over but all I wish is that I could keep him well for a straight three weeks. He has been sick more times than I can count in the past 6 months and I just am so ready to see him healthy! So once again, prayers are welcome for Sawyer's health and for mommy and daddy's patience!

On another note.. sort of. I want to brag about one of my best friends. Yesterday Andrew and I were supposed to go on our first date in over a month. Of course Aunt "Barbie" (Aubrey) offered to babysit and was going to let us have a night out. I was so disappointed to call and tell her nevermind on our date b/c Sawyer was sick. I ended up crying on the phone to her and she could tell how down and frustrated I was. Next thing I knew as Sawyer and I were cuddling on the couch I look up and see her standing in my playroom with a card and my FAVORITE wine! She called the liquor store and asked them if they could chill my favorite kind of wine and then she went and picked it up along with a card and get this... a gift certificate for a PEDICURE!! Seriously how many friends do that? She hung out with me the rest of the day and literally made my day a million times better. She has been the biggest help in these last few months and I can't tell you how much her friendship means to me. She is honestly one of the most sacrificial people I know. Love you Aubs!

This is "Aunt Barbie" in case you were curious.

9 Comments