Life is in full force over here! We have so much going on!
Besides the pregnancy news we also have big news that we are MOVING! We are super excited. We are closing on Thursday and are doing some renovations inside the house so we hope to move at the beginning of April. We are moving into an awesome neighborhood that has a pool, park, great walking trails and so many wonderful families. I am excited about this new change and having a community right where we live! I think that is so important to have when you are a stay at home mom.
Besides that I feel like our life revolves around doctors appointments and shots. This week alone we will be at the doctor four days in a row, pediatrician, two shot days and his pulmonologist appt tomorrow. Sawyer came down with fever and an ear infection last week and this weekend which was no fun at all. But we were so thankful for just an ear infection, we can definitely deal with that! I have had him in MDO for a month and he has only been able to go three times because he keeps coming down with stuff. I knew that it would be like this because of all the medicines he has been on this last year and especially the last two months. I knew that his immunity would be down but I am beyond ready to see him stay well.
I am definitely still going through a process of figuring out how to feel about everything.The days that he is healthy and "normal" I feel like I could jump out of my skin with gratitude and happiness. And then there are still the days that I have gone through the emotions of feeling lonely, not understood, I've had pity parties, I've had anger, I deal with major anxiety. There are days like last Thursday where we were up all night with a baby who was miserably sick with an ear infection and still had to take him in for a shot Thursday. We drove all the way up there with a 2 year old screaming "no shot! no shot!" and wait to find out that he is wheezing and can't even get a shot. We spent the next twelve hours breaking his wheeze and worrying ourselves sick. Some days I wonder why Sawyer was chosen to be "sick" and unhealthy all the time.. etc. etc..
But, then there are days like today when I wake up and dance in the kitchen with my son who woke up healthy today and I remember God's Sovereignty. I remember how God uses EVERYTHING for His Glory and I remember how God has changed our family more in the last two months to be more like He wants us to be and I remember that all of the worry and all of the hassles of this sickness is a GOOD thing. Because it is written in black and white, "We know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
The truth is, Sawyer is being taken care of and God loves him more than I do (which seems unimaginable) and he has him wrapped up in his hands. Even though there are times when we feel helpless and scared we are constantly reminding ourselves that God is good and He will take care of our son.
I also know that there are terrible diseases that kids all over the world are dealing with that are far worse and I can't even imagine. I have a whole new perspective when reading sad stories about kids like, Ty and Lucy. My heart and prayers go out to them and I hope you will keep them in your prayers as well.
Anyway, just wanted to give ya'll an update. I have had so many friends reach out to us asking how we are doing and we are doing great but I like using this blog to be honest with our journey because when someone stops me in passing and asks me "How are ya'll doing?" it's hard for me to go into the full truth. We are definitely on the upside of everything and are so thankful for that but are still looking to God for strength and perseverance.
I know this is so blurry but it is too sweet not to love.