Last night everything happened SO FAST that I think I went to bed in shock. I mean I sat in bed so confused how within 2 seconds something like that can happen and it changes the course of our entire summer. I'm praying this experience doesn't turn me into a "control freak" mom, b/c I can't imagine if it had been his head or if anything worse was to happen to him in that scary moment. Sawyer is "all boy" but recently I have noticed how cautious he has become. When he was a 1 year old I thought I was in for it b/c he had no fear. But in the last 6 months he has developed a sense of caution in his life which I have been grateful for. I keep thinking that if only I didn't push him to ride in those cars this wouldn't have happened, obviously he was scared for a reason. But I also keep praying for God to turn my thoughts like that off, b/c what's done is done and I only make myself sick thinking about all of those things that I have no control over.
Sawyer slept pretty good last night with hydrocodone in his system. He wimpered throughout the entire night but stayed asleep until about 2 when he needed more medicine. I put him in bed with me and he kept wimpering quietly "Owie, car. Owie, car. Owie, car" basically until he fell asleep. I sat there and was holding back tears the entire time b/c I hate to see him suffer. He woke up in pretty good spirits and I thought it was going to be easier than I had imagined but we soon realized differently. He has no desire to get off the couch or off our laps. He has had moments of smiles but for the good part of this day he has acted like he is in pain and mad. I also think the medicine is hurting his stomach b/c he won't eat. We have watched movies, read books, we went on a walk in the stroller and then sat on a blanket outside and through it all he has been such a trooper. I can't imagine how frustrated he already is that he can't take that silly cast off. I have had a little pity party already today b/c I am just trying to picture what I am going to do with him these next few weeks. I hate that he can't go do what he wants to do, so as his mother I want to come up with the best ways to make him happy and comfortable. If ya'll have any good ideas, please send them my way! I have been brainstorming all day.
Overall the feeling that I feel right now would be "disappointment". I'm disappointed that I am having to sit here yet again and watch my son suffer. I am disappointed that I can't fix it. I am disappointed that I can't rewind time and prevent the accident. I am disappointed that he won't be able to enjoy the summer like we had planned. I am disappointed that my entire family is going to Florida in 2 weeks and we are going to have to entertain Sawyer from the sidelines while everyone else plays in the water and in the sand. I'm disappointed that after everything Sawyer has been through this year that he has to spend the next 30-40 days of his life sitting on a couch with his leg propped up in a big cast. I hate this for him! I know that this next month will pass by fast and I know that we will make the best of it, but in this moment I am sad. I still praise God in these times b/c I know that these accidents and these trials only make us stronger and grow us closer to our Lord and Savior.
Thanks for your prayers!